Spending time with the past by setting memories in a modern context in order to appreciate what was good and move on from what was hard. An active piecing together of what works for me now.
Sometimes it feels like I am nostalgic not just for my own family stories but for the past in general. I spend a good bit of time at vintage shops, here where I live and when I travel and can stand there for hours just considering what things were used for, who read these old book, what did this woman look like when she wore this amazing necklace, who ate off this cracked handprinted plate, where did this painting hang and who looked at it and who in the world would make a bearded girl doll!
Nostalgia for me is not really heartache, like it was for my mother, it is more curiosity and fascination. I think this is why I work with collage and hunt for weird bits to incorporate into my work. I am so curious about who my great great great grandparents were and what their lives were like. My American family goes back 5 generations, what were the lives of those who first got to the US like? My Norwegian family - they were farmers, for sure, but were they also Vikings? Would be so cool to know.
No one really has any information for me, so I create stories in my head - imagine what their lives were like, what it was like to be a woman centuries ago. Consider how certain traumas and personality types have travelled down family lines - what do we have in us that is a strong family trait. What can we break and what do we want to protect.
Working with bits of paper and photographs from the past gives me a chance to consider what life was like. I am able to look at memories and my thoughts about them and sit with them for a bit - either choosing to focus on whatever emotion comes up and just sit there with that for a bit. Then incorporating modern shapes and colors to contrast these yellowing old bits, is truly so satisfying. It's like my inner world comes to life on the page and I can manipulate what serves me and gives me peace and strength.
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